I have a relative who has almost zero financial sense. She has money problems constantly. Here’s a sketch of where she’s at in life.
- She works part-time. (She can barely keep a job. She has authority issues, and will lie at the drop of a hat to get out of work.)
- She goes to school part-time, which is funded by debt.
- She lives in government-assisted housing with two room mates.
- She has a cat and recently got a dog, both of which add to her monthly bills.
- She blows money on new brand-name clothes, expensive haircuts and highlights, not to mention dress-up outfits and spa visits for her dog.
She has no car payment because her parents gave her a car and pay the car payment and insurance for her. She’s single, so her parents feel like they need to help her out.
Anyway, my relative is apparently short on cash these days and needs more money. How do I know? Because this week she asked her mom to throw her a graduation party… even though she hasn’t graduated yet.
The conversation went something like this:
“So mom, I want to have a graduation party over here this month.”
“Why now?” her mother asked. “You haven’t graduated yet. Don’t you want to wait until you finish your internship?”
“No, I don’t want to wait. I want to have a party now. So can we do it May 31st?”
“Well, I don’t know. Who are you going to invite?”
“You know, some friends and family. So we can do it on May 31st, right?”
Another relative: “Gosh, you’re being really pushy. Why is this so urgent?”
“Because I need money!”
Aha. The truth comes out.
My relative needs money. So upon further discussion we learned that she wants to throw herself a graduation party to raise money.
The plan: Her parents will host the party. She’ll invite friends and family members she thinks have money. And then she’ll ask for cash-only gifts.
Most folks who would like to make more money will work more hours, learn a new skill, or start a part-time business on the side.
Others throw themselves graduation parties even though they haven’t graduated yet.
Go figure.
Naturally, my family is invited. Now we’re torn. I don’t even want to go, and I certainly don’t want to give a gift.
If you were invited, what would you do?
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
{ 7 comments }
Not go. Not send money. Maybe, maybe send a graduation card. Do you know that she won’t want another graduation party when she actually does graduate?
I’d go because I felt obligated, but wouldn’t give a cash gift. I’d give her a typical grad gift or a book like Richest Man in Babylon.
Plonkee – Good point. There may be another graduation party coming. I hope not.
Rete – I like the idea of giving The Richest Man in Babylon. It’s a good book; I’ve read it twice. But the big question is, would she even bother to read it?
Great story. Horrible dilemma. I rarely, rarely ever get invited to relatives, that I’m not much help.
I think I’d just take it simply, just accept the way she is. 24 hour job fixing ourselves.
If this was really her grad party (which it sort of is) and she was responsible with her money, what would you do?
I’d just do that.
Granted, I hate parties. Especially family gatherings. If it was me, I’d just send a card, with a $25 inside. :-)
If you’re in debt yourself, maybe just a card. :-/.
Some people have nerve and some don’t…eventually she will have to face her reality when her parents go.
Are you close to her? Do you see her a lot at family gatherings?
If I had nerve I would send her some book like Napoleon Hills “Think and Grow Rich” or something a long those lines.
But I am a woman and I would feel guilty so I probably would just send her a card with the lowest denomination that seemed respectable–then my husband said I would still feel guilty.
Obviously she doesn’t know the cost of raising three children these days;)
Thanks for the comments, John and Nicole.
I like what you said, Nicole: “Eventually she will have to face reality when her parents go.”
John suggests just giving some money. But I guess it’s not so much the money that’s the issue. I could give her $25 or $50 or whatever. No big deal. It’s not about the money.
The issue is really about her attitude. A gift is supposed to be voluntary. If a gift is demanded, it’s no longer a gift. The recipient’s demand becomes a mild form of extortion.
So in this case, my relative’s improper attitude accompanied by her complete disrespect of money and how it is earned has made me feel like “opting out” of this little charade.
Based on the circumstances, I wouldn’t go — no way, no how. Good luck!
Comments on this entry are closed.